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Dad Jokes

Entry 2452, on 2026-08-14 at 21:15:40 (Rating 1, Comments)

I was very tempted to write a post about Jason Arday today, but a regular reader of this blog recently intimated that I write too much about woke issues, so I will give that a miss, at least until next post! I don't apologise for being interested in the problems with woke-ism, but I can see how some readers might want some variety, so in the immortal words of Monty Python: now for something completely different!

I have done various posts on humour in the past. I did a couple on geek jokes a few years back, then more recently one on feghoots, so now it is time to move on to the ultimate form of humour: dad jokes! It's not necessarily totally clear what these are, but they tend to be short, somewhat lame, and often involve puns.

Anyway, here are some of my favourites (and my comments, even though that shouldn't really be necessary given the lack of sophistication of these jokes)...

Joke: I got mugged by 6 dwarves last night. Not Happy.

Comment: Short and simple. The second sentence would be more formally "I'm not happy" but the double meaning that the dwarfs did not include the one called "Happy" (which is why there are only 6 instead of the traditional 7) would be spoiled by that.

Joke: My geography teacher asked me if I could name a country with no R in it. I said "No way".

Comment: Take the "r" out of the country name Norway and you get "no way" which might also be what you would say when asked a difficult question by a teacher.

Joke: I always a have a picture of my wife and children in my wallet. It reminds me why there's no money in it.

Comment: No pun this time, just a sardonic comment on married life!

Joke: To the guy who invented zero. Thanks for nothing,

Comment: Zero is an important mathematical concept which was missing from some earlier cultures (Greek and Roman, if I remember correctly) so I guess we should thank whoever invented it (an Indian mathematician).

Joke: Got home to find my kids were on eBay all day. If they're still there tomorrow, I'm going to have to lower the price.

Comment: Being "on" an internet site can mean two things: first, a person is viewing the site; or second, information about the person is displayed by the site.

Joke: Wanting rid of my collection of glove-puppets. Any offer accepted, I just want them off my hands.

Comment: Getting something off your hands means to dispose of it, but glove puppets are typically worn on the hands, so... well, it's another double meaning.

Joke: A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity. I asked for a replacement. They gave me a new one free of charge.

Comment: Yet another classic double meaning joke: charge can mean an electrical charge or a sum of money charged for an item.

Joke: I went to a zoo that only had one animal. It was a dog. It was a shih tzu.

Comment: A "shit zoo" might be one which isn't very good, but a "shih tzu" (which sounds almost identical) is also a dog breed. By the way, I recently visited a person with a dog which was a shih tzu, poodle cross. I asked if he was a "shit poo" (true story).

Joke: I hired a handyman and gave him a todo list. When I got home, only items 1, 3, and 5 were done. Turns out he only does odd jobs.

Comment: Odd jobs are random, minor tasks, but if they were numbered might they have odd numbers only?

Joke: At the age of 65 my grandma started walking 10 miles a day. She's 92 now and we have no idea where she is.

Comment: I can imagine granny wondering off into the distance, and is now (92 - 65) x 365.24 x 10 = almost 100,000 miles away!

Joke: What do you call a nun who sleep walks? A roamin' Catholic.

Comment: The two words: roamin' and Roman kind of sound the same.

Joke: I'm trying to organise a hide and seek tournament. But good players are hard to find.

Comment: Well, they would be, wouldn't they?

Joke: My son was chewing electrical cords so I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.

Comment: Grounding can refer to forcing someone to stay at home as a punishment or attaching them to the ground so electricity can flow to the ground. As a bonus we also have "currently" which might describe electrical current, and "conducting" which might describe behaviour or electrical conductivity. Three puns in one!

Joke: Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.

Comment: So it's a bit of both, I guess.

Joke: I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid. He says he can stop at any time.

Comment: The brake fluid would help with that.

Joke: Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Beethoven. Van Damme: I'll be Mozart. Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys, I'm not saying it.

Comment: One of Arnold Schwarzenegger's most famous likes is "I'll be back" so we can only assume he would choose Bach and repeat that line (or something similar). There's actually better version of this too: Schwarzenegger is working in a music store. Someone comes in and asks where they would find the Brandenburg Concertos. Arnie says "Aisle B, Bach".

Joke: I was shocked to read in the papers today that a dwarf had been pickpocketed. I just thought to myself "How can anyone stoop so low?"

Comment: I guess you would need to stoop down a bit to reach a dwarf's pocket, but that would be morally reprehensible (the second meaning of stooping low).

So there are some of my favourite dad jokes. Yes, believe it or not, those are the best. You can only imagine how terrible the bad ones are, right?

Comment 1 (9594) by Denise M on 2026-08-14 at 22:55:06:

Entertaining.I didn't lose the will to live with this one. :)

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