Entry 1531, on 2013-05-16 at 20:53:14 (Rating 2, Comments)
A friend recently sent me one of those amusing emails pointing out the farcical nature of many of the things in our daily lives. I'm sure we all get them occasionally and might wonder at the ineptitude of some decisions, or the bizarre nature of language, or whatever else might be involved in the particular item.
But, of course, I just cannot take things at face value and wondered what would happen if I actually took the idea seriously and answered the questions. Here's what I came up with...
Question: Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Answer: None of the supermarkets I know of have a prescription dispensing area at the back although I agree many have tobacco at the front. So the first part of the question makes no sense (maybe it does in the US or wherever this email originated). Regarding the second part: I guess it's because tobacco is a controlled product which is particularly susceptible to both theft and purchase by under-age people, so having it at the front makes sense.
Question: Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
Answer: Do they? In the fast food joints I go to if you "up-size" one item you upsize the lot and (just my anecdote) I don't see a lot of people getting the least healthy food and the sugar-free drink option. But even if they did, maybe they want to avoid sugar but aren't so concerned about fat.
Question: Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Answer: Because psychics have no special abilities apart from a few basic tricks that anybody can learn fairly easily. Unfortunately these tricks involve how to fool people into thinking that there are special abilities involved and in no way help winning a lottery. A better question might be: why would anyone take psychics seriously?
Question: Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Answer: Because Noah, along with most of the other characters in the Old Testament, never existed. There never were just two of any species and there never was a global flood. It's just a myth and one which sends extremely mixed messages about God's characteristics.
Question: If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Answer: Because it is the end-point of the journey. Terminal means end and this should not be construed as meaning any permanent termination of the traveller!
Question: Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Answer: Because the word is derived from old French "broceur" (small trader), of uncertain origin, but possibly from Old French "brocheor" (wine retailer), which comes from the verb "brochier" (to broach a keg) (source: Wikipedia).
Question: You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Answer: Because the black box (which is actually orange, maybe that anomaly would have been a better question) is made from multiple thick layers of aluminium, stainless steel, and titanium. This is both very expensive and very heavy. You could probably make a plane out of these materials but: it would be too heavy to get off the ground, it would cost so much that no one could afford to buy one, and even if it survived a crash the passengers wouldn't!
Question: Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
Answer: I have seen several possible answers to this question, including that if the victim of the execution survives they are pardoned and getting hepatitis at that point would be annoying, or that last second pardons sometimes happen and an antidote might be used. However I think the most likely explanation is that the needles used are the same used in medical procedures and are pre-sterilised. It would cost more to supply needles specifically for executions which weren't.
Question: Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Answer: In many cases they aren't. There are artificial lemon drinks and there are drinks with real lemon too, just like there are dish washing liquids with both real and artificial components. Of course, many product ingredients are there primarily for marketing reasons. Maybe the demographic who still wash dishes by hand value natural ingredients where those who drink soft drinks don't care so much.
Question: Ever wonder why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Answer: Yes, I did wonder. Here's the answer I thought of: The ultraviolet light in sunlight has a bleaching effect on most substances. However humans have evolved a protective mechanism on their skin which darkens when exposed to sunlight. The mechanism involves cells called melanocytes which produce a dark brown protective pigment called melanin.
Question: Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Answer: Because women can't do anything with their mouth closed. If there mouth was closed how would they boss men around, question their partner's decisions, and bitch about their friends? (Sorry, just couldn't resist that one!)
So there you go. Next time you receive one of these "cute" emails why not just spend a little bit of extra time and actually find out the answers? It's fun!
Comment 1 (3535) by Anonymous on 2013-05-29 at 13:17:08:
I don't think the email was intended to be serious so did it really deserve your thorough analysis?
Comment 2 (3538) by OJB on 2013-05-30 at 09:34:42:
Ah yes, I think we all understand that. I thought I made that clear when I said "But, of course, I just cannot take things at face value and wondered what would happen if I actually took the idea seriously and answered the questions."
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